Killing English

[Kym]

http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/bulwer-lytton-fiction-contest-winner-named-take-a-butchers-at-some-bad-writing/story-e6frfku0-1226102004615


The contest asks writers to submit the worst possible opening sentences to imaginary novels.

Fondrie wrote:
"Cheryl's mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories."


and


John Doble of New York won in the historical fiction category:


"Napoleon's ship tossed and turned as the emperor, listening while his generals squabbled as they always did, splashed the tepid waters in his bathtub."

and



To take the prize for best purple prose, Mike Pedersen of North Berwick, Maine, relied on a thesaurus'-worth of synonyms:


"As his small boat scudded before a brisk breeze under a sapphire sky dappled with cerulean clouds with indigo bases, through cobalt seas that deepened to navy nearer the boat and faded to azure at the horizon, Ian was at a loss as to why he felt blue."

[jim]

Kym's thread made my head spin like a child's top, whirling madly in the sun on in the carefree summer's days of childhood, the purple prose embodied therein...

Oh never mind.

[ameerat42]

...The nonchalant seamstress paused mid-stitch and glared back at her tyrant of a boss.
"Because I told you, sew!" he fumed again.
"Ah! Sew what!" she retorted...
There was a hush throughout whole sweat-shop. You could cut the air with a pair of scissors, but only a few pins dropped to the floor.
(But wait, there's worsted, but that's immaterial to this thread.)

[ving]

ROFL! that last one is a ripper! :D

i expected a thread full of grammar slamming posts.
no one murders the English language more that the British i find. :rolleyes:

[Scotty72]

At the time of Shakespeare, many thought he was murdering the language...

[ving]

true that.... darn you willie! :p

[CherylB]

no one murders the English language more that the British i find. :rolleyes:

That's because we've lived with it longer! You 'strayans don't do too bad a job of butchering it though! :D

[ameerat42]

That's because we've lived with it longer! You 'strayans don't do too bad a job of butchering it though! :D

Tue troo! Too trew!
(And a plug for NZ (Mainlanders), who have a free-end in thuh frudge!)

[BecdS]

At the time of Shakespeare, many thought he was murdering the language...

Good lord I hope that the Facebook'ers of today aren't the Shakespeares of tomorrow! :eek: