bobt
27-04-2014, 10:46pm
Let There be Light
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
And darkness was upon the face of the earth, for no light sources were there, for yea not even the
smallest of flash bulbs divideth the light from the darkness.
And God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light upon the dry land and the firmament and
verily it reflected also from the waters for polarisers were there none.
And God saw the light, and verily did He capture it at 150th of a second at F11 which was pretty
darned good for a first attempt even if He did sayeth so Himself.
And God did call the light Daylight and lo did measure it at approximately 5000 degrees Kelvin,
and the darkness he called Night, which required a re-think of the whole idea.
And the evening and the morning were the best light of all.
And God created photographers in their multitudes saying, “Let the light and the darkness be a
torment unto you and to your descendants. Go ye forth and capture thine images”. Yet no objects
were there upon the land to be seen, let alone photographed, and the people were sad.
And so God sayeth once more, “Let the waters bring forth abundantly, moving creatures that hath
life and fowls that may fly above and all manner of other interesting creatures that will not stay still
in the one place or stay looking in the right direction at the right time”. And God blessed them all,
saying, “Verily, this will giveth the multitudes a challenge”.
And God spakest thus, “Let the earth bring forth grass, and other less mobile subjects such as the
daffodil and petunia and fruit yielding trees that the fruit thereof might be placed within bowls and
moveth no more”. And the photographers looked upon His still-life creations and saw that they
were good, even if a tad boring.
And it came to pass that Moses came unto the Lord saying “Lord, thou art the light and the way,
but still thy people are greatly troubled and in pain”.
So the Lord gave unto Moses a tablet, taken from the Apple tree, and with a swipe of His finger
did reveal an App containing instructions numbered from 1 to 10 whereupon Moses did commend
them to His people writ boldly as follows:
1)Thou shalt carry thy camera at all times lest thou misseth the Great Opportunity.
2)Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours equipment, even though his lens might be longer and
bigger than yours.
3)Thou shalt not steal another's photographs nor commit adultery upon them unless it be skilfully
and with Photoshop
4)Thou shalt not make craven images that are more than 1400 pixels on the longest side.
5)Thou shall not forsake thy tripod nor forget the rule of thirds.
6)Thou shalt worship the correct exposure and focus lest they forsaketh you.
7)Thou shalt forgive those that trespass if that shalt be the only way of getting the best vantage
point.
8 )Remember the Sabbath and the legions of irritating weekend sightseers who shalt impedeth
thou in thy sacred mission.
9)Thou shalt honour thy father and thy mother's facial crevices and cherish them for the close-up
portraiture opportunities they provideth.
10)Thou shalt not inflict upon others photos of thine own children, pets and garden produce for
truly they art a blight upon the land and a pestilence to others.
And the Lord looked out upon the Earth and the Sun and the Universe and said “Verily have I
created the ultimate photo opportunity” and with that he vanished into the firmament and was not
again seen for a very, very long time.
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
And darkness was upon the face of the earth, for no light sources were there, for yea not even the
smallest of flash bulbs divideth the light from the darkness.
And God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light upon the dry land and the firmament and
verily it reflected also from the waters for polarisers were there none.
And God saw the light, and verily did He capture it at 150th of a second at F11 which was pretty
darned good for a first attempt even if He did sayeth so Himself.
And God did call the light Daylight and lo did measure it at approximately 5000 degrees Kelvin,
and the darkness he called Night, which required a re-think of the whole idea.
And the evening and the morning were the best light of all.
And God created photographers in their multitudes saying, “Let the light and the darkness be a
torment unto you and to your descendants. Go ye forth and capture thine images”. Yet no objects
were there upon the land to be seen, let alone photographed, and the people were sad.
And so God sayeth once more, “Let the waters bring forth abundantly, moving creatures that hath
life and fowls that may fly above and all manner of other interesting creatures that will not stay still
in the one place or stay looking in the right direction at the right time”. And God blessed them all,
saying, “Verily, this will giveth the multitudes a challenge”.
And God spakest thus, “Let the earth bring forth grass, and other less mobile subjects such as the
daffodil and petunia and fruit yielding trees that the fruit thereof might be placed within bowls and
moveth no more”. And the photographers looked upon His still-life creations and saw that they
were good, even if a tad boring.
And it came to pass that Moses came unto the Lord saying “Lord, thou art the light and the way,
but still thy people are greatly troubled and in pain”.
So the Lord gave unto Moses a tablet, taken from the Apple tree, and with a swipe of His finger
did reveal an App containing instructions numbered from 1 to 10 whereupon Moses did commend
them to His people writ boldly as follows:
1)Thou shalt carry thy camera at all times lest thou misseth the Great Opportunity.
2)Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours equipment, even though his lens might be longer and
bigger than yours.
3)Thou shalt not steal another's photographs nor commit adultery upon them unless it be skilfully
and with Photoshop
4)Thou shalt not make craven images that are more than 1400 pixels on the longest side.
5)Thou shall not forsake thy tripod nor forget the rule of thirds.
6)Thou shalt worship the correct exposure and focus lest they forsaketh you.
7)Thou shalt forgive those that trespass if that shalt be the only way of getting the best vantage
point.
8 )Remember the Sabbath and the legions of irritating weekend sightseers who shalt impedeth
thou in thy sacred mission.
9)Thou shalt honour thy father and thy mother's facial crevices and cherish them for the close-up
portraiture opportunities they provideth.
10)Thou shalt not inflict upon others photos of thine own children, pets and garden produce for
truly they art a blight upon the land and a pestilence to others.
And the Lord looked out upon the Earth and the Sun and the Universe and said “Verily have I
created the ultimate photo opportunity” and with that he vanished into the firmament and was not
again seen for a very, very long time.